Your client has explored what’s happening with her goal to make a career transition. You ask, “What can you do to move forward?” You wait about 15 seconds—your client doesn’t say anything. You rephrase the question and ask, “What are your options?’’ And you wait for about 10 seconds—your client doesn’t say anything. Then you say, “Here are 3 things you could do.…”
 
Not good. Why? Because by suggesting options you did the work your client is supposed to do. Because your suggestions interrupted some really good ideas your client was having—she wasn’t sitting there doing nothing. Because you hear your client say, “I appreciate your willingness to help. I was coming up with some good ideas, and when you gave your suggestions, I focused on listening to you. Now I’m having trouble remembering what I was thinking.” Ouch.
 
Question: How often to you refrain from suggesting options?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from suggesting options. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Remembering that silence indicates reflection, not the absence of reflection.
2. Remembering that brainstorming options helps my client get motivated for action. And I want my client motivated for action.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from suggesting options?

I’m watching missionaries, who are sitting in pairs, deeply engaged in conversation. These missionaries are asking each other key questions: What people/projects are you investing your energy in? What’s been satisfying/frustrating? What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction/frustration? How can I pray for you?
 
I’m thinking, “This is going pretty well. They’re more engaged than if I did the traditional style of devotions. They’re provoking each other to reflect. And they look like they’re having a good time. Having them use a set of questions worked.”
 
Want to provoke reflection throughout your mission? Have people in your mission use a set of questions to talk together.
 
For example, when you are starting a mission gathering and need an icebreaker, have participants ask each other a set of questions:  When you were in 5th grade, where did you live? What did you enjoy doing? What’s easy/challenging about living in this country? In your recent personal life, what’s been encouraging/discouraging? Overall, how are you feeling? How can I pray for you?
 
When you’re leading a team meeting and want team members to reflect on ministry goals, have team members ask each other a set of questions: What are your ministry goals? What progress on your goals have you experienced? What roadblocks have you experienced? How can you leverage your progress and minimize your roadblocks? You talked about _____ today—what do you think you’ll do?
 
When you’re leading a workshop on getting more organized, have participants ask each other a set of questions: What tools do you use to get organized? How do you feel when you’re organized/disorganized? For you, what does being organized look like? To get organized, what do you need to keep doing, start doing, and stop doing? What will you do?
 
Use the following set of questions to reflect on this article:

1. What is 1 thing from this article that interested you?
2. What excites/concerns you about provoking reflection throughout your mission?
3. How could using a set of questions help you provoke reflection?
4. When could you use a set of questions to provoke reflection?
5. What will you do?

Your client is talking about what’s happening with his goal to plan more effectively. You easily relate to this—a few years back you had a similar goal. Since then, you’ve done research on planning, coached 27 clients who are working on planning, and developed a 5-phase planning framework.
 
As you listen to your client, you think, “He’s at phase 2.” Your client pauses, and you hear yourself say, “As best I can tell, you’re in phase 2—you’re working and you have a plan. Since you don’t yet have a good documented plan, you follow your gut more than your plan.”
 
Then you recognize that you just described your client’s reality—something you don’t want to do. Because you want your client thinking, and when you describe your client’s reality, he’s not thinking.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from describing your client’s reality?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from describing your client’s reality. Two things that help me do this are:

1. Remembering that my client is the expert in his life—not me. He knows his reality.
2. Remembering that my goal is to get my client thinking about his reality.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from describing your client’s reality?

Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What are 5 frustrations you have?
2. How do you feel when these frustrations are present/not present?
3. How would you feel if you could reduce 1 or more of these 5 frustrations?
4. How would reducing 1 or more frustrations impact your ministry?
5. If you reduced all 5 frustrations, what might happen?
6. What helps you reduce your frustrations? What hinders you?
7. What’s 1 frustration you want to reduce?
8. What can you do to reduce that frustration?
9. What will you do?

You ask your client, “What would you like to accomplish as a result of talking today?” Your client responds, “I didn’t really think about what I wanted to accomplish today. Nothing’s coming to mind. Got any ideas?”
 
This has happened with this client before. You quickly process through previous coaching sessions and think of 3 possible goals for the session. And you say, “How about how to handle email more effectively, how to make more time to talk with the kids, or how to more effectively target personal strengths?”
 
After asking the question, you realize that you’re suggesting goals for the coaching session. This is something you don’t want to do. Why? Because your client grows as she takes responsibility for identifying goals for a coaching session.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from suggesting goals for the coaching session?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from suggesting goals for the coaching sessions. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Sharing with new and current clients that they are responsible for setting goals for coaching sessions and that setting goals helps them grow.
2. Recognizing that if a client doesn’t have a goal for a session, now is a good time to have the client develop a list of goals.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from suggesting goals for the coaching session?

By asking questions like:

1. What’s your mission statement?
2. What excites/concerns you about the mission?
3. How does your work help achieve the mission?
4. What helps you achieve the mission? What gets in your way?
5. On a scale of 1-5 (5 being high), how focused are you on your mission statement?
6. What can you do to increase your focus?
7. What will you do?

You want to help people. I do, too. One way to help people is by giving advice. But there are some definite downsides to giving advice:

• You might irritate someone by giving unsolicited advice.
• Your advice might work for you and not for the person you’re talking to.
• If someone takes your advice and it doesn’t work, that might harm your relationship.
• Giving advice doesn’t target developing the person into a better problem solver—it targets solving the immediate problem.

I don't want to irritate people, give advice that doesn’t work, put my relationships at risk, or only solve the immediate problem. I want people to solve their own problems by developing as problem solvers. So, I strive to refrain from giving advice.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from giving advice?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently refrain from giving advice. Strive to consistently focus on what others think in order to help them become better problem solvers. When you are tempted to give advice or when you find yourself focusing on what you are thinking, ask an open-ended question instead:

• What’s your goal?
• What’s going on?
• What are your options?
• What will you do?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently refrain from giving advice?

The GROW process is a user-friendly process you can use to coach others (Goal • Reality • Options • Will do).  

When coaching, listen, inquire, focus, and encourage.

Christian coaching flows from the heart, from beliefs about empowering others. 

If you want to empower others, use a coaching approach.

I like getting encouragement. I like it more than getting critiques. Encouragement feels better and actually results in me working more effectively.
 
I believe in the power of encouragement, so I want to encourage others. One way I encourage others is by listening to what they say. And one way I demonstrate that I’m listening is by restating what the other person has been saying. Through restatement I show I’ve been listening and that I want to understand. For example, I might say, “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that ___. Is that right?”
 
Question: How often do you use restatement to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently use restatement to encourage others. To encourage others, say things like: So what I think I hear you saying is ___. Is that right?
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently encourage others through restatement?
 
*To learn more about encouraging others, click here.

What helps me get my goals accomplished? Developing my own action steps, action steps that I’m motivated to take and that are SMART. I don't have the same success rate when someone else develops the action steps and when the action steps are not SMART.
 
I’m sold on developing my own SMART action steps. And when I work with others, I work to focus them on developing their own SMART action steps.
 
Question: How often do you focus others on developing SMART action steps?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently focus others on developing SMART action steps. What helps me do this consistently is asking questions like:

• Specific: What do you mean by ___?
• Measurable: How will you know when you’ve achieved your action step?
• Attainable: How doable is this?
• Relevant: How will this action step help you achieve your goal?
• Timebound: When will you do this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently focus others on developing SMART action steps?
 
*To learn more about focusing others, click here.

Want to encourage coaching in your organization? One way I encourage coaching is by developing sets of questions to be used in meetings and workshops. As a result of using sets of questions in meetings and workshops, staff have shifted toward asking questions and away from giving advice.

In the planning sessions I'm facilitating today, participants are using the following sets of questions to help others reflect:

Set 1

1. What’s your mission?
2. What’s it take to carry out your mission?
3. What’s already been accomplished?
4. What helps you?
5. What hinders you?
6. What are your options?
7. What will you do to achieve your goals?

Set 2

1. What is your mission? What are your goals?
2. How would you categorize progress on your goals? Why?
3. To what extent do your current action steps help you address your goals?

Set 3

1. What topics did you talk about in your tactical meeting?
2. What action steps are you going to take before your next meeting?
3. What did you learn by trying out different roles?
4. What will help your team work together better?

Reflection is powerful. Reflection helps me identify my goals, better understand my current situation, and consider what I can do to move forward on my goals. I regularly take time to reflect and to encourage others to reflect.
 
How can you help others reflect? By asking open-ended questions. By asking questions like “What are your priorities?” and “What can you do to pursue God’s calling?”
 
Question: How often do you ask open-ended questions?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently ask open-ended questions. What has helped me to do this is:

• Reading books on open-ended questions, like Bobb Biehl’s Asking to Win.
• Developing a set of go-to questions, for example: What’s your goal? What’s going on? What can you do? What will you do?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently ask open-ended questions?
 
*To learn more about asking questions, click here.

When I think of improving my coaching, 3 areas come to mind. Those 3 areas are beliefs, skills, and process. 

Want to empower people? Want to develop leaders? Want to help others become better problem solvers and solve their problems? If so, try this one thing. It’s free. You can do it anywhere. And those you talk with like it.
 
What is it? It’s the 80/20 Rule. The 80/20 Rule says that in each conversation, you should listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time.
 
Question: How often do you talk 20% of the time?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently follow the 80/20 Rule. To do this, you’re going to have to keep the other person talking. What I do to keep others talking (so I can listen) is make inviting statements (Tell me more about that.) and ask open-ended questions like “What’s a key challenge you’re facing?”
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently talk a maximum of 20% of the time?
 
*To learn more about listening, click here.

That’s a good question. Let me respond by asking you a question: What encouraged you to get coached and to coach others? Figure out what encouraged you and use that to encourage coaching in your organization.

What initially encouraged me to get coached was reading about coaching and talking with a friend about how coaching encouraged him and helped him achieve his goals. What really sold me on getting coached was the results I got from getting coached—I felt encouraged, I was better able to achieve my personal and professional goals, and I was empowered to pursue God’s calling.

What encouraged me to coach others was the results I got from getting coached, talking with a friend who coached others, reading books, and completing a coaching certification program.


Question: So, how can you encourage coaching in your organization?

Answer: Based on what encouraged me to get coaching and coach others, I suggest you consider taking action steps like:

1. Continuing getting coached yourself, coaching others, and talking about the results of coaching.
2. Helping leaders understand what coaching is and how they can benefit from it. 
3. Getting leaders to receive coaching.
4. Training leaders to coach others.
5. Getting leaders to start coaching key staff members and use coaching skills throughout the day. 
6. Helping staff understand what coaching is and how they can benefit from it. 
7. Getting more and more staff to receiving coaching.
8. Training staff to coach others.
9. Getting staff to start coaching other staff members and use coaching skills throughout the day. 

You might be thinking, “Looks like I should take those steps in the order they are listed.” I can see why you would think that, and generally speaking, taking the steps in the order listed is helpful. But, there is no one right way to do it—for example, you can take the steps in a different order if that is what works best for you and your organization.


Question: How can you determine the action steps you want to take and the sequence of those action steps?

Answer: I suggest that you get a team together and:

• Share what encouraged you to get coached, what encouraged you to coach others, and how coaching has helped you and others.
• Reflect on the benefits of establishing a coaching culture.
• Take a self-assessment on how a coaching culture could help your organization, and discuss your assessment results.
• Review the action steps listed above. Then, determine what action steps you will take and the order of those action steps.

Question: What might encouraging coaching in your organization look like?

Answer: Here’s an example. Let’s assume you’ve already talked with your team about establishing a coaching culture, and you’ve determined that you want to start by introducing everyone to coaching through a 3-hour workshop:

Your goals for the workshop include having participants:

1. Reflect on the power of questions.
2. Understand what coaching is and how it works.
3. Experience leading by asking questions/coaching.
4. Get more interested in getting coached and getting coach training.

To prepare leaders and staff for the workshop, you:

1. Ask them to take a short online tutorial on exploring getting coaching.
2. Encourage key staff (especially the members of your team) to experience coaching by providing coaching sessions at their convenience.

Then during the 3-hour workshop, you have participants:

1. (10 minutes) Listen to 1 or more testimonials on how coaching has helped.
2. (10 minutes) Watch 2 people model coaching by using a set of questions, for example: What people/projects are you spending your time/energy on? What’s been satisfying/frustrating? What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction/frustration? What do you think you’ll do?
3. (25 minutes) Use a set of questions to talk with a partner (What people/projects are you spending your time/energy on? What’s been satisfying/frustrating? What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction/frustration? How can I pray for you?). Then, pray together.
4. (20 minutes) Reflect on why God asks questions.
5. (30 minutes) Read and discuss 1 or more articles on Christian coaching that include an emphasis on asking questions, for example: “Lead by Asking Questions,” “The Startup Guide to Coaching Leaders,” “The Coaching Approach to Growth,” “The Heart of a Coach,” and “What is ‘Coaching’ to You?” (Additional resources are available through Close the Gap Now, Creative Results Management, The Christian Coaching Center, and Coach22.)
6. (15 minutes) Break
7. (20 minutes) Take and discuss a self-assessment on leading by asking questions.
8. (25 minutes) Use a set of questions to help a partner process something. (Time permitting, debrief this.)
9. (15 minutes) Use a set of questions to debrief the workshop, for example: What did we do during the workshop? What excites/concerns you about leading by asking questions? What excites/concerns you about coaching? What insights did you have? How could leading by asking questions/coaching help us? What’s next? (This can be done in partners/small groups and then as a whole group.)
10. (10 minutes) Receive information about how they can get coach training and coaching.

After the workshop, you will:

1. Continue getting coached, coaching others, and talking about the results of coaching.
2. Continue meeting as a team to talk about encouraging coaching and to identify action steps.
3. Provide coaching and encourage staff (especially leaders) to receive coaching.
4. Provide coach training.
5. Provide reading material.

Reflect: How are you going to encourage coaching in your organization? What action steps are you going to take? In what order?

*Want additional resources on coaching?

• Tutorials
• Videos
• Blog entries on coaching culture
• Books
• Newsletters
• Training: Close the Gap Now, Creative Results Management

We all want to accomplish our goals. To accomplish our goals, we need to take action steps. I’ve found that the SMARTer the action step, the more likely I am to accomplish it. A SMART action steps is:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Attainable
• Relevant
• Timebound

“Get in shape” is not a SMART action step, and it’s actually not that easy to accomplish. “Walk for 30 minutes 3 times per week for 1 month” is a SMART action step, and it’s actually easier to accomplish than “Get in shape.”
 
Question: How often do you empower others to develop SMART action steps for each of their goals?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently empower others to develop SMART actions steps for each of their goals. If the person you’re talking to develops general action steps, help them SMARTen them up by asking questions like:

• Specific: What do you mean by ___?
• Measurable: How will you know when you’ve achieved your action step?
• Attainable: How doable is this?
• Relevant: How will this action step help you achieve your goal?
• Timebound: When will you do this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently empower others to develop SMART action steps for each of their goals?
 
*To learn more about coaching others on taking action, click here.

You're a missionary serving in Latin America. You send monthly newsletters to your supporters, and you send monthly reports to your mission. Each time you send a newsletter, you receive encouraging emails and notes; each time you send a report, you receive an acknowledgement (and most times not even that). Unless things aren't going well—then you receive “feedback.”
 
Now you learn that your mission wants to encourage you to get coaching.
 
How do you feel about getting coaching? I wouldn’t be feeling good. And I'd be thinking, "Am I doing something wrong? Is something not going well? I think things are going well, so maybe coaching is for others. The mission tends to offer help when things aren't going well, so coaching probably wouldn't be useful."
 
My point: If you want missionaries to feel good about getting coaching, you may need to help them see coaching as a way of getting positive feedback. You can do this by:

• Explaining that the coach provides encouragement (not criticism).
• Sharing that coaching is a way to build on strengths.
• Emphasizing that in coaching, the client (not the supervisor) decides what to work on.

What are some other ways you can help missionaries feel good about getting coaching?

Sometimes I get stuck. I have a problem, and I can’t find a way to solve it. Then, I remember to brainstorm my options, to think outside the box. In short order, I’m unstuck and on my way to solving my problem. Brainstorming works for me. And I’ve found that brainstorming helps others.
 
Question: How often do you empower others to brainstorm options?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently empower others to brainstorm options. To help others brainstorm options, I like to ask “What are your options?” and “What else?”
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently empower others to brainstorm options?
 
*To learn more about coaching on options, click here.

You want to achieve your goal. And you want to take action now! Ever feel like that? I have. I like the energy, but I don’t necessarily like the results.
 
Why? Because when I take action without reflecting on my current reality, I forget to take into account things like family plans and my overall workload. What happens? I achieve things I don’t want (like family disharmony and personal fatigue), and I don’t achieve my goal.
 
Question: How often do you empower others to explore their current reality?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently empower others to explore their current reality. What helps me do this is asking open-ended questions:

• What’s happening?
• How do you feel about this?
• How is God using _______ in your life?
• What are some other ways to look at this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently empower others to explore their reality?
 
*To learn more about coaching others on the reality of their goals, click here.

If you want to help missionaries value getting coaching, you may need to start by helping them value personal and professional growth. Why? Because coaching is about growth, and if missionaries don’t value growth, they won’t seek coaching.
 
Question: Why might missionaries not value personal and professional growth?
 
Answer: Because they focus on serving others. Because they work in an organization that doesn’t have an organizational growth plan or a professional development plan. Because their mission doesn’t emphasize personal or professional growth.
 
Question: How can you help missionaries value growth?
 
Answer: By asking questions like “If you could grow in one area of your life, what would it be?” And by encouraging missions to develop organizational growth plans and professional development plans—this will help missions emphasize personal and professional growth.
 
Question: What strategies have you found useful in helping missionaries value personal and professional growth?

Missionaries want to proclaim the good news of Jesus. So, they do evangelism, baptize and disciple believers, and preach during worship services. God uses these activities to build His kingdom. These activities tend to flow from an advice-giving paradigm, rather than a question-asking paradigm.

Implications: Missionaries have more experience with giving advice than with asking questions. And missionaries value getting advice than more than getting asked questions—which is one reason they don’t pursue getting coaching.

Question: How can you help missionaries value getting asked questions?

My answer: I’m publishing sets of coaching questions in a quarterly magazine that missionaries I know read. I’m encouraging missions to publish short articles on asking questions.

Question: What strategies have you found useful in helping missionaries value getting asked questions?

In a coaching culture, staff members empower each other through listening, inquiry, focusing on SMART actions, and encouragement. To find out how establishing a coaching culture would help you, take the following self-assessment (download). Circle the number that comes closest to representing how true the statement is for your organization right now. Use the following scale:

4: Consistently • 3: Usually • 2: Sometimes • 1: Rarely
 

Culture
___ We communicate effectively.
___ We have good morale.
___ We have good staff longevity.
___ We support staff to achieve work-related goals.
___ We support staff to achieve personal goals.
___ We don’t experience fear of change.
___ We collaborate (instead of conflicting).
___ We focus on results (instead of activity).
___ We focus on the mission (instead of other good things).
___ We focus on working smarter (instead of working harder).
___ We pursue defined goals (instead of pursuing undefined goals).
 
Coaching skills
___ We listen (instead of talking).
___ We inquire (instead of giving advice).
___ We focus others on taking SMART actions (instead of letting others take undefined action).
___ We encourage (instead of criticizing).
 
Coaching skills usage
___ We use coaching skills to move in new directions.
___ We use coaching skills to influence each other.
___ We use coaching skills to collaborate with each other.
___ We empower others to solve their problems (instead of solving others’ problems).
___ We support, encourage, and hold others accountable to achieve goals more (instead of just assigning goals).
 
Coaching culture building blocks
___ Leaders receive coaching.
___ Leaders have taken at least 12-hours of coach training.
___ Leaders coach staff.
___ Leaders use coaching skills throughout the day.
___ Leaders communicate about how coaching helps them and the organization.
___ Staff understand what coaching is and how they can benefit from it.
___ Staff receive coaching.


Now, ask yourself 5 questions about the data:

1. How many 4s, 3s, 2s, and 1s do I have?
2. What excites/concerns me about the data?
3. How would establishing a coaching culture help?
4. What can I do to encourage the development of a coaching culture?
5. What will I do?

Empower others. Develop a coaching culture.