Your client is talking about what’s happening with his goal to plan more effectively. You easily relate to this—a few years back you had a similar goal. Since then, you’ve done research on planning, coached 27 clients who are working on planning, and developed a 5-phase planning framework.
 
As you listen to your client, you think, “He’s at phase 2.” Your client pauses, and you hear yourself say, “As best I can tell, you’re in phase 2—you’re working and you have a plan. Since you don’t yet have a good documented plan, you follow your gut more than your plan.”
 
Then you recognize that you just described your client’s reality—something you don’t want to do. Because you want your client thinking, and when you describe your client’s reality, he’s not thinking.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from describing your client’s reality?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from describing your client’s reality. Two things that help me do this are:

1. Remembering that my client is the expert in his life—not me. He knows his reality.
2. Remembering that my goal is to get my client thinking about his reality.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from describing your client’s reality?

The GROW process is a user-friendly process you can use to coach others (Goal • Reality • Options • Will do).  

You want to achieve your goal. And you want to take action now! Ever feel like that? I have. I like the energy, but I don’t necessarily like the results.
 
Why? Because when I take action without reflecting on my current reality, I forget to take into account things like family plans and my overall workload. What happens? I achieve things I don’t want (like family disharmony and personal fatigue), and I don’t achieve my goal.
 
Question: How often do you empower others to explore their current reality?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently empower others to explore their current reality. What helps me do this is asking open-ended questions:

• What’s happening?
• How do you feel about this?
• How is God using _______ in your life?
• What are some other ways to look at this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently empower others to explore their reality?
 
*To learn more about coaching others on the reality of their goals, click here.

Through Christian coaching, you can empower others to pursue God’s call. To get an idea of how you can empower others even more effectively, complete the following self-assessment that addresses coaching beliefs, skills, and process (download). Write the number in the blank that comes closest to representing how true a given statement is for you right now. Use the following scale:

4: Consistently • 3: Usually • 2: Sometimes • 1: Rarely

The coach’s heart
___  I trust that the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of every believer.
___  I believe others can define and achieve their goals.
___  I target motivation, not information.
___  I empower others to take responsibility.
 
LIFE skills: Listen • Inquire • Focus • Encourage
___  I’m interested in what others say.
___  When listening, I look interested.
___  When listening, I sound interested.
___  I target understanding, not judging.
___  I don’t talk more than 20% of the time.

___  I ask open-ended questions.
___  I make inviting statements.
___  I don’t ask “why” questions.
___  I don’t give advice.

___  I focus others on developing their own SMART action steps.
___  I don’t suggest action steps.

___  I encourage others through clarification.
___  I encourage others through affirmation.
___  I encourage others through restatement.
___  I encourage others through “encouragers.”
___  I don’t criticize.
 
GROW process: Goal • Reality • Options • Will do
___  I’m clear on what the other person wants to accomplish for the session.
___  I don’t suggest goals for the session.

___  I empower others to explore the current reality regarding their goals.
___  I don’t describe others’ reality.

___  I empower others to brainstorm options for taking action on their goals.
___  I don’t suggest options.

___  I empower others to develop 2-3 SMART action steps per goal.
___  I don’t advise others on what actions to take.

Want to help others prioritize? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What are you working on?
2. What satisfies/concerns you about your progress?
3. What do you want to accomplish in the next month?
4. Which of these things would you categorize as big priorities? Medium priorities? Small priorities?
5. What can you do to ensure that the big priorities get accomplished?
6. What do you think you’ll do?
7. Would you like to talk again about your priorities?

It's important to pursue your God-given calling. Reflecting can help. Here are 7 questions you can reflect on.

Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia, has been working for several weeks to clarify God’s calling. In previous coaching sessions, she’s:

• Identified 4 problems and 3 opportunities she’s passionate about & blessed by God to address.
• Developed a mission statement.
• Identified 6 goals she needs to accomplish to carry out her mission.
• Reflected on what’s already been accomplished for each of her 6 goals.

“I’m feeling good about the progress I’ve been making,” says Tomoko. “These coaching sessions have been helpful—thanks! I’m clearer on how I should be investing my energy. I’d like to move forward on my goals, you know, develop effective action steps.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tomoko?
 
Answer: What helps/hinders you in achieving your goals?
 
For example, 1 of Tomoko’s goals is to provide leaders with resources. To empower Tomoko to reflect on what helps/hinders her in providing resources, ask her questions like:

• What personal strengths help you?
• What opportunities does addressing this goal provide?
• What resources are available?
• What personal weaknesses get in your way?
• What are your roadblocks?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Three weeks ago, Tim was appointed as field director for his mission. Sitting across the table from you, he says, “Being a mission field director is challenging. I feel good about my new role. I’ve been asking God how He wants me to use the gifts He’s given me, and He answered—I’m now the field director.
 
“I feel like I can do a pretty good job of supporting people in our mission. But being responsible for carrying out our strategic plan feels a little overwhelming.
 
“Last year, we revised our mission statement. Then, we developed 6 strategic goals. These goals tell us what we need to do to carry out our mission statement. We have some pretty aggressive goals, and I’m not sure how we’re going to get them all done.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tim?
 
Answer: What’s already been accomplished?
 
In other words, get Tim to reflect on each of the 6 goals from the strategic plan. Getting Tim to reflect on the current achievement of each goal is vital. Why? Because reflecting on each goal gives Tim the opportunity to:

• Celebrate progress.
• Understand what still needs to be accomplished.
• Recognize what no longer needs to be addressed.

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

You’re coaching Mark, a math teacher at an international Christian school in Korea. He wants to clarify God’s calling. In previous sessions, he identified the problems/opportunities he’s passionate about and blessed by God to address. He also drafted a personal mission statement: Equipping Christians to live for Jesus.
 
Says Mark, “I feel pretty good about my mission statement. It reflects who I am and the problems/opportunities I want to address. It’s already helped my focus. But as a statement, it’s fairly broad. I want to make it more specific, more concrete. That way I’ll be able to take action on my mission."
 
Question: What can you ask Mark?
 
Answer: “What’s it take to carry out your God-given mission?”
 
In other words, “What 5-10 areas do you need to be involved in to carry out your mission and, consequently, to address the problems and opportunities you identified?” (As necessary, give examples of area. *See list below.)
 
Once Mark has identified 5-10 areas, ask “What’s your goal for each area?” Here’s a sample: Coaching—Provide the support, encouragement, and accountability Christian leaders need to pursue God’s calling.
 
As Mark develops a goal for each area, he’ll be answering “What’s it take to carry out your God-given mission?” As Mark develops a goal for each area, he’ll be making his mission more specific, concrete, and actionable.
 
Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.
 
*Sample areas:
Environment
Finances
Health/fitness
Leadership
Life balance
Personal growth
Recreation
Relationships
Spiritual/church
Work

“What I want to do is to develop a personal mission statement,” says Mark, a high school math teacher at an international Christian school in Korea. “I’m fairly clear on the problems/opportunities God is calling me to address. Having a mission statement will help me focus on these problems/opportunities.”
 
Question: What can you ask Mark?
 
Answer: Ask these 5 questions:

1. What 5 or more verbs reflect God’s calling for you? (As necessary, give examples. *See list below.)
2. What will you say when asked, “What’s your mission?”
3. What word best describes your God-given mission?
4. What 2-3 words describe your God-given mission?
5. What 1 sentence do you want said about you at your funeral?

Once Mark has reflected on these 5 questions, ask “What’s your God-given mission?” Give Mark time to think—he may need paper and pen to put down his thoughts. Once Mark has a draft, ask questions to help him refine his mission statement:

• How does this mission statement address the problems and opportunities you identified?
• How does this mission statement help you understand God’s calling?
• What do you mean by ____?
• How easy is this for you to say?
• How does this mission statement help you focus?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.
 
*Sample verb list:
Advance
Build
Collaborate
Disciple
Educate
Empower
Encourage
Equip
Evangelize
Heal
Improve
Innovate
Lead
Mobilize
Network
Nurture
Organize
Plant
Raise
Serve
Transform
Unite

Imagine that you are a church planter in Japan. Imagine that you want your church members to think about a current challenge. What can you do? You can use the GROW process:

• Goal: What’s our goal?
• Reality: What’s going on?
• Options: What can we do?
• Will do’s: What will we do?

When doing coaching workshops for CAJ staff and for missionaries, I teach the GROW process. I was really encouraged by the following email from a church planter who used the GROW process:
 
“I thought you would be interested in what our church did yesterday after worship. We are trying to sell our land and move to an area of Fujisawa that has no church to plant a church there. The denomination hasn’t given their blessing yet on the sale of the land, so we needed to think through things we could do until we get their blessing for selling the land and moving forward.
 
“I led a discussion for about 10 church members using GROW to think through ideas and options. It was fun to do, and interesting to do it in Japanese! The GROW concept worked, and helped to structure a very helpful discussion. I heard the following comments from people:

• ‘This was the first time that I could really say what was on my heart.’
• ‘This gives me hope that there are things that we can be doing and not be stuck in a rut.’
• ‘It was helpful to get things out on the white board to help get my thinking sorted out.’

“Thought you would want to know that your coach training helped a Japanese church to process things.”

You’re listening to Carla, a 43-year-old office worker. She’s experiencing significant change, including a new home, a new pastor at church, and her youngest child starting high school. Carla tells you that as a result of the changes she’s experiencing, she’s more sensitive to her own needs and the needs of others.
 
Says Carla, “There are a lot of problems and opportunities around me. I can’t address all of them, but I can address some of them. I want to pursue my calling, so I want to think about which problems and opportunities are part of my calling.”
 
Question: What can you ask Carla?
 
Answer: I believe that God gives us passions for certain problems/opportunities and that He blesses us to address certain problems/opportunities. So ask Carla, “What problems and opportunities are you passionate about?”
 
As necessary, give examples to clarify what you mean by problems and opportunities:

• Sample problems: poverty, discouragement, racism, drugs, poor education, unemployment, underperformance, few Christians, Christians not growing/being discipled, church life not vibrant, lack of leaders, lack of innovation, lack of collaboration, people working without necessary tools and systems, lack of training, dysfunctional relationships
• Sample opportunities: develop leaders, help youth develop a Christian worldview, focus staff energy, support and encourage others, build networks, increase staff effectiveness through consulting and training, model innovation, increase mission achievement through consulting and building systems

Once Carla has brainstormed the problems/opportunities she’s passionate about, ask her, “Which of these has God blessed you to address?” Help Carla focus on identifying 5-15 problems/opportunities she’s passionate about and blessed by God to address.
 
Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

You’re coaching Bob. He shares that he’s turning 47, his oldest child is now a freshman in college, his best friend recently moved to the United Kingdom, and he’s thinking about changing careers. As Bob talks about what’s he’s experiencing, it becomes clear that Bob wants to clarify God’s calling in his life. He wants to develop a personal mission statement and to design goals to achieve that mission statement.
 
Question: What can you ask Bob to help him get started?
 
Answer: Start by asking Bob a question that will provoke him to reflect on his current situation. Start by asking Bob, “How has God blessed you to pursue His calling?” To help Bob reflect on this question, ask:

• How’s God working in your life?
• What Relationships has God blessed you with?
• What Abilities has God blessed you with?
• What Character qualities has God blessed you with?
• What Experiences has God blessed you with?

In other words, ask Bob, “What GRACE has God given you to pursue His calling?”
 
Benefit: As Bob reflects on how God has blessed him, he’ll think about how God has been with him each day. And he’ll inventory God’s blessings—and that will prepare him to clarify God’s calling.

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Want to promote reflection in your organization? Design sets of questions and have partners use them as they dialog. Here are 3 sets of questions I designed and then had our mission's EurAsia Team use:
 
Personal life

1. When you were in 4th grade, where did you live? What did you enjoy doing?
2. What’s easy/challenging about living in your country of service?
3. In your recent personal life, what’s been encouraging/discouraging?
4. Overall, how are you feeling?
5. How can I pray for you?

Ministry overview

1. What people/projects are you investing your energy in?
2. Whom do you talk to about your ministry? What do you talk about?
3. In terms of ministry, what’s been satisfying/frustrating?
4. What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction/frustration?
5. You talked about ___ today. What do you think you’ll do?

 Ministry goals

1. What are your ministry goals?
2. What progress on your goals have you experienced? What’s been satisfying?
3. What roadblocks have you experienced? What’s been frustrating?
4. How can you leverage your progress and minimize your roadblocks?
5. You talked about ___ today. What do you think you’ll do?

Three weeks ago, Tim was appointed as field director for his mission. Sitting across the table from you, he says, “Being a mission field director is challenging. I feel good about my new role. I’ve been asking God how He wants me to use the gifts He’s given me, and He answered—I’m now the field director.
 
“I feel like I can do a pretty good job of supporting people in our mission. But being responsible for carrying out our strategic plan feels a little overwhelming.
 
“Last year, we revised our mission statement. Then, we developed 6 strategic goals. These goals tell us what we need to do to carry out our mission statement. We have some pretty aggressive goals, and I’m not sure how we’re going to get them all done.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tim?
 
Answer: What’s already been accomplished?
 
In other words, get Tim to reflect on each of the 6 goals from the strategic plan. Getting Tim to reflect on the current achievement of each goal is vital. Why? Because reflecting on each goal gives Tim the opportunity to:

• Celebrate progress.
• Understand what still needs to be accomplished.
• Recognize what no longer needs to be addressed.

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

You have established a key goal, one that will make a difference at work and at home. You’re committed to your goal, and you want to take action.

Two tips:

(1) Be aware of the current reality of your goal. One way to do this is to look at your goal from different perspectives, for example:

• God: How does the God see this? What is God calling you to do?
  
• Family: How does your family see this? How will this affect your family?
  
• Employment: How does your supervisor feel about this? How does this fit with your organization’s goals and mission?
  
• Impact: What short-term impact will this have? What long-term impact will this have?
  
• Friends: How do your friends see this? What advice would your friends give?
  
• Resources: What resources do you need to achieve this goal? What resources are available?

(2) Beware of blind spots. Beware of blind spots = becoming aware of blind spots = fewer blind spots = a greater likelihood of taking effective action steps to achieve your goal. How can you beware of blind spots?

• Talk with 3 friends about your goal and your current reality.
  
• Next, ask them for help on identifying blind spots.

With increased awareness of your current reality and of your blind spots, you can make better decisions about how to take action on your goal.

Be Aware! Beware! Then, take action.