Your client wants to better organize the files in his computer. So you ask him questions like: How are your computer files organized now? What do you like/dislike about the way your computer files are organized? What does being “better organized” look like? In terms of being organized, what do you want to keep doing, start doing, and stop doing?
 
Your client responds to your questions and does some effective reflection. He brainstorms some possible action plans and decides to talk with Martin about how to better organize computer files. You ask, “What else will you do?” You wait for about 10 seconds—your client doesn’t come with another action step. Then you say, “You should organize your files in terms of your job roles….”
 
Not good. Why? Because by suggesting action steps, you could be interrupting your client’s thinking. Because by suggesting action steps, you are doing your client’s work for him. Because by suggesting action steps, you are acting like a consultant, not a coach.
 
My point: Make sure you consistently refrain from advising others on what actions to take.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from advising others on what actions to take?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from advising others on what actions to take?

Your client is sharing the results of the 2 action steps she’s taken to get better life balance. She walked for 30 minutes each day and is feeling more relaxed. And when her supervisor asked her to design a newsletter, she responded with, “I’m happy to design a newsletter. What would you like me to stop working on in order do this?” Her supervisor said she should stop work on a promotional video!
 
You look at your client and say, “You’ve made real progress on getting better life balance. You accomplished your 2 action steps. You’re more relaxed, and you took on a new task without increasing your overall workload. Good for you!” Your client has a big smile on her face. She looks encouraged.
 
My point: Use affirmation to encourage others.
 
Question: How often do you use affirmation to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently use affirmation to encourage others. And when you give affirmation, make sure your affirmation is:

1. Growth-centered
2. Relevant
3. Authentic
4. Client-focused
5. Energizing
6. Specific

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently use affirmation to encourage others?

By asking questions like:

1. What’s your ministry?
2. How do you feel about your ministry and your workload?
3. How interested are you in getting more done in the same amount of time?
4. What helps you work efficiently and effectively? What doesn’t help you?
5. What can you do to work smarter?
6. What will you do?

I’m talking with a friend about how I can more effectively help an organization build capacity. I share that I’m not sufficiently aware of how the organization is responding to my recommendations. My friend asks, “What do you mean by ‘not sufficiently aware’?” I explain that I get no feedback so I don’t know which (if any) recommendations the organization has processed, and I don’t know what the organization thinks of my recommendations.
 
Then I go on to describe how I got involved with the organization. I share that the organization has asked me to submit recommendations in writing and that I don’t have the opportunity to discuss my recommendations with someone on staff. My friend asks, “So are you saying that you want to talk through your recommendations with someone in the organization?”
 
I like his questions. I like his questions because they show he’s listening. And I like his questions because they show he’s interested in me and in what I’m saying. His use of clarification encourages me to keep thinking and to find ways to help the organization.
 
Question: How often do you use clarification to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

My point: Make sure you consistently use clarification to encourage others.
 
Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently use clarification to encourage others?

In Japan, the listener shows that he’s listening by saying things like “hai hai,” (um hm) and “naruhodo” (I see). When the person talking hears these phrases, he’s encouraged to continue talking. In a real sense, these phrases are “encouragers.”
 
My point: Use “encouragers” to encourage your clients to keep talking and reflecting. When you’re coaching, say things like “yup,” “yes,” “um hmm,” “I see,” and “hmm.”
 
Question: How often do you use “encouragers” to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Question: What will do to ensure that you consistently use “encouragers” to encourage others?

Ever been asked, “Why did you do that?” I have. While it does get me thinking, it also gets me feeling accused. And sometimes the feeling of being accused gets in the way of me thinking about why I did something.
 
The question “Why did you do that?” taps into childhood memories of really stupid things I’ve done (like when I was a young boy, I thought I could jump across a large manure pit, and fell in instead) and of my parents looking at me, wondering what I was thinking.
 
My point: If you want to help your coaching clients to reflect, and if you don’t want your clients feeling accused, refrain from asking “why” questions.
 
Question: How do often you refrain from asking “why” questions?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from asking “why” questions. One thing that helps me do this is asking questions that start with “what.” For example, “What caused you to do that?” (instead of “Why did you do that?”).
 
Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from asking “why” questions?

A key reason I get coaching is because I want to understand and be understood. I want to understand, for example, what’s happening with a transition to living in a different culture for 6 months, how I feel about it, and how I can use it to further my goals. And I want to be understood—I want my coach to understand what I’m thinking and feeling, for example, about living in a different culture.
 
I don’t get coaching because I want to be judged. I don’t get coaching so I can hear my coach say things like “Living in a different culture is a bad idea” or “You shouldn’t feel apprehensive about living in a different culture” or “That’s a stupid action step.”
 
My point: If you want to help your coaching clients, listen to them. And when you listen, target understanding (not judging).
 
Question: How often do you target understanding?

1. Consistently?
2. Usually?
3. Sometimes?
4. Rarely?

Make sure you consistently target understanding. Things that help me do this include:

1. Remembering as a client how helpful it is when my coach really wants to understand me.
2. Remembering how much I dislike getting judged and how getting judging decreases my ability to reflect.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently target understanding?

I’ve gotten coaching on things that had obvious solutions. For example, I’ve gotten coaching on how avoid getting overloaded at a conference, when the (obvious) solution was to schedule down time. I’ve gotten coaching on which new goals to pursue, when the (obvious) solution was not to pursue any—my schedule was already full.
 
I’m glad that my coaches empowered me to discover effective action steps. I’m glad they didn’t say things like, “It’s a conference—you shouldn’t be focused on avoiding overload” or “Look, your schedule is already full, so thinking about which new goals to pursue is a bad idea.” I’m glad that coaches refrained from criticizing me.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from criticizing your client?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently refrain from criticizing your client. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Remembering how criticism shuts down my thinking—and the thinking of my clients.
2. Focusing on helping my client discover action steps that will help him reach his goals.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently refrain from criticizing your client?

My client wants to prioritize her tasks. So, I start by asking questions like “What tasks need to get done?” and “What else?” My client mentions a variety of tasks, including updating materials for a workshop on personal productivity, finalizing a presentation on planning tools for the leadership team, and attending a network meeting of church planters. Then she pauses and says, “I really need to get after my workshop materials.”
 
I notice her emphasis on workshop materials. Instead of asking a question, I make an inviting statement: “You mentioned that you need to update workshop materials and then you came back to that again. Tell me more about that.” She shares that she’s concerned about the workshop materials and that she’s been wondering if she should expand the number of workshops she’s doing.

My point: Make inviting statements.
 
Question: How often do you make inviting statements?
 
Things that help me make inviting statements include the following:

1. Recognizing that inviting statements help me reflect.
2. Remembering that inviting statements are an effective alternative to questions.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you make inviting statements?

Do you want to empower others? Do you want to empower others to focus, solve problems, and achieve their goals? If so, provoke them. Provoke them to reflect. 
 
Reflection is powerful. Personally speaking, reflection helps me clarify my ministry goals, increase awareness of my progress, identify things that are hindering my progress, and develop action steps. In short, reflection helps me do ministry. 
 
I’ve seen reflection help fellow staff members at Christian Academy in Japan (CAJ). After reflecting, staff members were more focused on their goals, managed their time better, and led meetings more effectively.
 
But don’t take my word for it. I asked CAJ staff members to tell me how reflection empowers them. Here’s what they said: “Reflection helps me get clear on what’s going on so I can make effective decisions.” “Reflection helps me organize my tasks and next actions.” “Reflection helps me handle situations more effectively.”
 
So, how can you provoke reflection? By asking open-ended questions:

• If your co-worker wants to more effectively disciple others, ask: How do you disciple people now? What’s causing you to want to improve? What’s “more effective discipleship” look like? What can you do?
• If your team is planning an event, ask: What do we want to see happen? What will help this go well? Who’s going to do what?
• If a pastor is dealing with conflict, ask: What happened? How do you feel? How does the other person see the situation? How can you demonstrate Christ’s love?
• If a small group leader wants to help her members to be more engaged, ask: If your members got more engaged, what might happen? What helps your members get engaged? When are your participants not engaged? What can you do?

Bottom line: Empower other by asking questions.

*Want to empower others to ask questions? Then ask them questions like:

1. What problems are those around you facing?
2. What goals are they trying to achieve?
3. What excites/concerns you about empowering others by asking questions?
4. To what extent do you ask questions to help others focus? Prioritize? Solve problems?
5. How could you more effectively use questions to empower others?
6. What will you do?

Your mind is starting to wander. Your responses lack your usual focus and enthusiasm. When your calendar alarm goes off, you focus on it and miss a key thought your client has shared. And you’re concerned because you know these things indicate that you’re not really interested in what your client is saying.
 
Question: How often are you interested in what others say?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you’re consistently interested in what others say. Things that help me do this include the following:

1. Focusing on my client as a fellow Christian who is working to pursue his calling.
2. Making appropriate eye contact.
3. Removing distractions before I start coaching. For example, if I’m using videoconferencing to coach, I turn off all other software applications.

Question: What will you do to ensure that you consistently are interested in what others say?

I’m watching missionaries, who are sitting in pairs, deeply engaged in conversation. These missionaries are asking each other key questions: What people/projects are you investing your energy in? What’s been satisfying/frustrating? What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction/frustration? How can I pray for you?
 
I’m thinking, “This is going pretty well. They’re more engaged than if I did the traditional style of devotions. They’re provoking each other to reflect. And they look like they’re having a good time. Having them use a set of questions worked.”
 
Want to provoke reflection throughout your mission? Have people in your mission use a set of questions to talk together.
 
For example, when you are starting a mission gathering and need an icebreaker, have participants ask each other a set of questions:  When you were in 5th grade, where did you live? What did you enjoy doing? What’s easy/challenging about living in this country? In your recent personal life, what’s been encouraging/discouraging? Overall, how are you feeling? How can I pray for you?
 
When you’re leading a team meeting and want team members to reflect on ministry goals, have team members ask each other a set of questions: What are your ministry goals? What progress on your goals have you experienced? What roadblocks have you experienced? How can you leverage your progress and minimize your roadblocks? You talked about _____ today—what do you think you’ll do?
 
When you’re leading a workshop on getting more organized, have participants ask each other a set of questions: What tools do you use to get organized? How do you feel when you’re organized/disorganized? For you, what does being organized look like? To get organized, what do you need to keep doing, start doing, and stop doing? What will you do?
 
Use the following set of questions to reflect on this article:

1. What is 1 thing from this article that interested you?
2. What excites/concerns you about provoking reflection throughout your mission?
3. How could using a set of questions help you provoke reflection?
4. When could you use a set of questions to provoke reflection?
5. What will you do?

By asking questions like:

1. What’s your mission statement?
2. What excites/concerns you about the mission?
3. How does your work help achieve the mission?
4. What helps you achieve the mission? What gets in your way?
5. On a scale of 1-5 (5 being high), how focused are you on your mission statement?
6. What can you do to increase your focus?
7. What will you do?

You want to help people. I do, too. One way to help people is by giving advice. But there are some definite downsides to giving advice:

• You might irritate someone by giving unsolicited advice.
• Your advice might work for you and not for the person you’re talking to.
• If someone takes your advice and it doesn’t work, that might harm your relationship.
• Giving advice doesn’t target developing the person into a better problem solver—it targets solving the immediate problem.

I don't want to irritate people, give advice that doesn’t work, put my relationships at risk, or only solve the immediate problem. I want people to solve their own problems by developing as problem solvers. So, I strive to refrain from giving advice.
 
Question: How often do you refrain from giving advice?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently refrain from giving advice. Strive to consistently focus on what others think in order to help them become better problem solvers. When you are tempted to give advice or when you find yourself focusing on what you are thinking, ask an open-ended question instead:

• What’s your goal?
• What’s going on?
• What are your options?
• What will you do?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently refrain from giving advice?

When coaching, listen, inquire, focus, and encourage.

If you want to empower others, use a coaching approach.

I like getting encouragement. I like it more than getting critiques. Encouragement feels better and actually results in me working more effectively.
 
I believe in the power of encouragement, so I want to encourage others. One way I encourage others is by listening to what they say. And one way I demonstrate that I’m listening is by restating what the other person has been saying. Through restatement I show I’ve been listening and that I want to understand. For example, I might say, “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that ___. Is that right?”
 
Question: How often do you use restatement to encourage others?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Strive to consistently use restatement to encourage others. To encourage others, say things like: So what I think I hear you saying is ___. Is that right?
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently encourage others through restatement?
 
*To learn more about encouraging others, click here.

What helps me get my goals accomplished? Developing my own action steps, action steps that I’m motivated to take and that are SMART. I don't have the same success rate when someone else develops the action steps and when the action steps are not SMART.
 
I’m sold on developing my own SMART action steps. And when I work with others, I work to focus them on developing their own SMART action steps.
 
Question: How often do you focus others on developing SMART action steps?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently focus others on developing SMART action steps. What helps me do this consistently is asking questions like:

• Specific: What do you mean by ___?
• Measurable: How will you know when you’ve achieved your action step?
• Attainable: How doable is this?
• Relevant: How will this action step help you achieve your goal?
• Timebound: When will you do this?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently focus others on developing SMART action steps?
 
*To learn more about focusing others, click here.

Want to encourage coaching in your organization? One way I encourage coaching is by developing sets of questions to be used in meetings and workshops. As a result of using sets of questions in meetings and workshops, staff have shifted toward asking questions and away from giving advice.

In the planning sessions I'm facilitating today, participants are using the following sets of questions to help others reflect:

Set 1

1. What’s your mission?
2. What’s it take to carry out your mission?
3. What’s already been accomplished?
4. What helps you?
5. What hinders you?
6. What are your options?
7. What will you do to achieve your goals?

Set 2

1. What is your mission? What are your goals?
2. How would you categorize progress on your goals? Why?
3. To what extent do your current action steps help you address your goals?

Set 3

1. What topics did you talk about in your tactical meeting?
2. What action steps are you going to take before your next meeting?
3. What did you learn by trying out different roles?
4. What will help your team work together better?

Reflection is powerful. Reflection helps me identify my goals, better understand my current situation, and consider what I can do to move forward on my goals. I regularly take time to reflect and to encourage others to reflect.
 
How can you help others reflect? By asking open-ended questions. By asking questions like “What are your priorities?” and “What can you do to pursue God’s calling?”
 
Question: How often do you ask open-ended questions?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently ask open-ended questions. What has helped me to do this is:

• Reading books on open-ended questions, like Bobb Biehl’s Asking to Win.
• Developing a set of go-to questions, for example: What’s your goal? What’s going on? What can you do? What will you do?

Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently ask open-ended questions?
 
*To learn more about asking questions, click here.

When I think of improving my coaching, 3 areas come to mind. Those 3 areas are beliefs, skills, and process. 

Want to empower people? Want to develop leaders? Want to help others become better problem solvers and solve their problems? If so, try this one thing. It’s free. You can do it anywhere. And those you talk with like it.
 
What is it? It’s the 80/20 Rule. The 80/20 Rule says that in each conversation, you should listen 80% of the time and talk 20% of the time.
 
Question: How often do you talk 20% of the time?

• Consistently?
• Usually?
• Sometimes?
• Rarely?

Make sure you consistently follow the 80/20 Rule. To do this, you’re going to have to keep the other person talking. What I do to keep others talking (so I can listen) is make inviting statements (Tell me more about that.) and ask open-ended questions like “What’s a key challenge you’re facing?”
 
Question: What action steps will you take to ensure that you consistently talk a maximum of 20% of the time?
 
*To learn more about listening, click here.

Leaders empower others. A key way leaders empower others is by asking questions.

Through Christian coaching, you can empower others to pursue God’s call. To get an idea of how you can empower others even more effectively, complete the following self-assessment that addresses coaching beliefs, skills, and process (download). Write the number in the blank that comes closest to representing how true a given statement is for you right now. Use the following scale:

4: Consistently • 3: Usually • 2: Sometimes • 1: Rarely

The coach’s heart
___  I trust that the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of every believer.
___  I believe others can define and achieve their goals.
___  I target motivation, not information.
___  I empower others to take responsibility.
 
LIFE skills: Listen • Inquire • Focus • Encourage
___  I’m interested in what others say.
___  When listening, I look interested.
___  When listening, I sound interested.
___  I target understanding, not judging.
___  I don’t talk more than 20% of the time.

___  I ask open-ended questions.
___  I make inviting statements.
___  I don’t ask “why” questions.
___  I don’t give advice.

___  I focus others on developing their own SMART action steps.
___  I don’t suggest action steps.

___  I encourage others through clarification.
___  I encourage others through affirmation.
___  I encourage others through restatement.
___  I encourage others through “encouragers.”
___  I don’t criticize.
 
GROW process: Goal • Reality • Options • Will do
___  I’m clear on what the other person wants to accomplish for the session.
___  I don’t suggest goals for the session.

___  I empower others to explore the current reality regarding their goals.
___  I don’t describe others’ reality.

___  I empower others to brainstorm options for taking action on their goals.
___  I don’t suggest options.

___  I empower others to develop 2-3 SMART action steps per goal.
___  I don’t advise others on what actions to take.

Missionaries want to proclaim the good news of Jesus. So, they do evangelism, baptize and disciple believers, and preach during worship services. God uses these activities to build His kingdom. These activities tend to flow from an advice-giving paradigm, rather than a question-asking paradigm.

Implications: Missionaries have more experience with giving advice than with asking questions. And missionaries value getting advice than more than getting asked questions—which is one reason they don't pursue getting coaching.

Question: How can you help missionaries value getting asked questions?

My answer: By publishing sets of coaching questions in a quarterly magazine (Japan Harvest) that missionaries I know read. By encouraging missions to publish short articles on asking questions. Here's an example.

Question: What strategies have you found useful in helping missionaries value getting asked questions?

Your client wants to clarify and strategically pursue God’s calling. That’s great!

Question: How can you empower your client to do this?

Answer: By asking 10 questions:

1. How has God blessed you to pursue His calling?”
2. What problems and opportunities are you passionate about & blessed by God to address?
3. What’s your mission?
4. What’s it take to carry out your God-given mission?
5. What’s already been accomplished?
6. What helps/hinders you in achieving your goals?
7. What are your options for achieving your goals?
8. What will you do to achieve your goals?
9. What will you do this week?
10. How can you continue to make progress?

Your client will need multiple sessions to reflect on these 10 questions, and your client might benefit from using tools. This set of tools includes a self-assessment and addresses questions 1-7.

To get an idea of how you can more effectively lead by asking questions, complete the following self-assessment (or download it here). Rate each item, using the following scale:

4: Consistently • 3: Usually • 2: Sort of • 1: Rarely


Lead from your heart
___ I trust that the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of every believer.
___ I believe others can define and achieve their goals.
___ I target motivation, not information.
___ I empower others to take responsibility.
___ I believe that reflection is powerful.
___ I want to help staff be better problem solvers (not to solve their problems).
 
Inquiry skills
___ I ask open-ended questions.
___ I don’t ask “why” questions.
___ I don’t give advice.
___ I easily think of good questions to ask.

Lead by asking questions
___ I ask questions to help others.
 
___ I ask questions to help others reflect.
___ I ask questions to help others get clear.
___ I ask questions to help others prioritize.
___ I ask questions to help others get organized.
 
___ I ask questions to help others focus.
___ I ask questions to help others target their strengths.
___ I ask questions to help others pay attention to their goals.
___ I ask questions to help others reduce their frustrations.
 
___ I lead by asking questions.


Now, ask yourself 5 questions about the data:

1. How many 4s, 3s, 2s, and 1s do I have?
2. What’s encouraging/discouraging about the data?
3. What helps me lead by asking questions?
4. What hinders me from leading by asking questions?
5. What will I do?

Empower others. Lead by asking questions. Today.

Ask questions to help those around you to focus, think through problems, and reach their goals. For example:

• If your co-worker wants to more effectively disciple others, ask: How do you disciple people now? What’s causing you to want to improve? What’s “more effective discipleship” look like? What can you do?
• If your team is planning an event, ask: What do we want to see happen? What will help this go well? Who’s going to do what?
• If a pastor is dealing with conflict, ask: What happened? How do you feel? How does the other person see the situation? How can you demonstrate Christ’s love?
• If a small group leader wants to help her participants be more engaged, ask: If your participants got more engaged, what might happen? What helps your participants get engaged? When are your participants not engaged? What can you do?

Janet Kunnecke of SEND Japan contributed to writing of this entry.

Want to help others to reduce their frustrations? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What are 5 frustrations you have?
2. How do you feel when these frustrations are present/not present?
3. How would you feel if you could reduce 1 or more of these 5 frustrations?
4. How would reducing 1 or more frustrations impact your ministry?
5. If you reduced all 5 frustrations, what might happen?
6. What helps you reduce your frustrations? What hinders you?
7. What’s 1 frustration you want to reduce?
8. What can you do to reduce that frustration?
9. What will you do?

Want to help others to get organized? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What’s your primary workspace like?
2. What tools do you use to get organized?
3. How do you feel when you’re organized/disorganized?
4. For you, what does being organized look like?
5. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being high), how organized are you?
6. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being high), how organized do you want to be?
7. If you were more organized, what might happen?
8. To get organized, what do you need to keep doing? start doing? stop doing?
9. What will you do?

Want to help others to target their strengths? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What strengths has God given you to pursue His calling? (What truths has God taught you? What relationships has He provided? What abilities, character traits, experiences, and education has He given you?)
2. What excites/frustrates you about your God-given strengths?
3. How do you feel when you can/can’t use your strengths?
4. How does targeting your strengths impact ministry?
5. If you targeted your strengths more, what might happen?
6. What helps you target your strengths? What hinders you?
7. What 2-3 strengths do you want to target?
8. What can you do to target those 2-3 God-given strengths?
9. What will you do?

Want to help others pay attention to their goals? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What are your goals?
2. What satisfies/concerns you about your progress?
3. What do you like/dislike about paying attention to your goals?
4. How does paying attention to your goals help you accomplish them?
5. If you paid more attention to your goals, what might happen?
6. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being high), how much attention do you pay to your goals?
7. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being high), how much attention do you want to pay to your goals?
8. What helps you pay attention on your goals?
9. What will you do?

“This coaching series has been life changing,” says Trudi, a secretary at an international Christian school in Singapore. It’s her final coaching session. She adds, “I’ve gotten a better understanding of God’s calling for me. My personal mission statement gives me something to focus on. And the 5 goals I’ve developed for carrying out my mission help me take action on my mission. I want to keep at it.”
 
Question: What can you ask Trudi?
 
Answer: How can you continue to make progress?”
 
Get Trudi to create an environment that empowers her to consistently take action on her goals. To help Trudi create an empowering environment, ask her questions like:

• What helps/hinders you in focusing on your goals?
• What helps/hinders you in designing action steps each week?
• What helps/hinders you in accomplishing your action steps?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Want to help others prioritize? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What are you working on?
2. What satisfies/concerns you about your progress?
3. What do you want to accomplish in the next month?
4. Which of these things would you categorize as big priorities? Medium priorities? Small priorities?
5. What can you do to ensure that the big priorities get accomplished?
6. What do you think you’ll do?
7. Would you like to talk again about your priorities?

“One of my overall goals is to provide resources for church members that help them pursue God’s calling,” says Bill, a pastor of a 250-member congregation in London.
 
It’s Bill’s first coaching session, and for the next 30 minutes, you ask Bill questions to provoke him to reflect:

• Who are your church members?
• What is God calling them to?
• How do you see resources helping them?
• What kinds of resources would help them?
• What helps/hinders church members in using resources?

Says Bill, “This has been helpful. Your questions helped me think about the resources I want to provide. Thanks.”
 
You think, “He sounds like he thinks we’re done, and he hasn’t developed his action steps.”
 
Question: What can you ask Bill?
 
Answer: What will you do this week?
 
In other words, get Bill to develop 2 or more SMART action plans he will take to provide resources for church members. To empower Bill to develop SMART action steps, first ask him questions about his options:

• What could you do to provide church members with resources?
• What else could you do?

Then ask Bill questions about SMART action steps he will take this week to provide church members with resources:

• What will you do this week?
• What 2 or more action steps will you take?
• What do you mean by ___?
• How will you know when you’ve achieved this action step?
• How doable is this?
• How will this action step help you achieve your goal?
• By when will you do this?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

It's important to pursue your God-given calling. Reflecting can help. Here are 7 questions you can reflect on.

“This coaching series has helped me clarify God’s calling,” says Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia. “I like my personal mission statement: Empowering Christians to pursue God’s calling.
 
“And the 6 goals I’ve identified help me know what I need to do to carry out my mission. I especially like my goal for coaching: Providing support, encouragement, and accountability for Christian leaders. Right now, I’m coaching 5 leaders.
 
“Last session, I brainstormed things I could do to accomplish each of my goals. I like my list, but it’s general—for example, for my goal on coaching, I listed “write blogs,” but I didn’t list how many. And I can’t do everything I listed. So, I want to get more specific and make the list doable.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tomoko?
 
Answer: What will you do to achieve your goals?
 
In other words, get Tomoko to identify 2-4 sub-goals she will accomplish in the next 12 months. For example, imagine Tomoko saying, “Let’s start with my goal on coaching.”
 
You could say, “OK. Imagine that it’s 12 months from now. You feel good about coaching leaders. What have you accomplished in the past 12 months?”
 
Then Tomoko would brainstorm, you would continue to ask questions, and Tomoko might decide that she will coach 20 leaders, write a monthly coaching blog, and do three 1-day coaching workshops so Christian leaders can learn how to coach others. Then, Tomoko would move on to her next goal—consulting.
 
Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

You’re coaching Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia who wants to clarify God’s calling. She’s made good progress. She’s developed a mission statement, identified 6 goals she needs to accomplish in order to carry out her mission, and reflected on what’s already been accomplished for each of her goals. During her last coaching session, she reflected on what helps and hinders her in achieving her goals.
 
She says, “I completed my action steps. I listed 3 things that help me and 3 things that hinder me in accomplishing each of my 6 goals. Then, I talked over my list with my friend Jeannie. She gave some useful input, and I used it to revise my list. I’m more aware of each of my goals. I think I’m ready to take action on each of my goals.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tomoko?
 
Answer: What are your options for achieving your goals?
 
Get Tomoko to identify 5 or more options for each of her 6 goals. For example, 1 of Tomoko’s goals is using coaching to develop leaders. To empower Tomoko to generate options regarding this goal, ask her questions like:

• What can you do?
• What are your options?
• Could you give me 5 options?
• What do you need to keep doing, start doing, and stop doing?
• What else could you do?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Tomoko, a leadership developer based in Cambodia, has been working for several weeks to clarify God’s calling. In previous coaching sessions, she’s:

• Identified 4 problems and 3 opportunities she’s passionate about & blessed by God to address.
• Developed a mission statement.
• Identified 6 goals she needs to accomplish to carry out her mission.
• Reflected on what’s already been accomplished for each of her 6 goals.

“I’m feeling good about the progress I’ve been making,” says Tomoko. “These coaching sessions have been helpful—thanks! I’m clearer on how I should be investing my energy. I’d like to move forward on my goals, you know, develop effective action steps.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tomoko?
 
Answer: What helps/hinders you in achieving your goals?
 
For example, 1 of Tomoko’s goals is to provide leaders with resources. To empower Tomoko to reflect on what helps/hinders her in providing resources, ask her questions like:

• What personal strengths help you?
• What opportunities does addressing this goal provide?
• What resources are available?
• What personal weaknesses get in your way?
• What are your roadblocks?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Want to help others know where they are and where they want to go? Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What’s your mission?
2. To carry out your mission, what goals do you need to achieve?
3. Where are you in terms of progress on each of your goals?
4. What satisfies/concerns you about your progress?
5. What helps you achieve your goals?
6. What hinders you?
7. How can you build on your progress/minimize your roadblocks?
8. What will you do to make progress on your goals?

Want to help others focus on the right things? Ask questions. Ask questions that provoke reflection, for example:

1. What’s going on in your ministry?
2. What people/projects are you spending your time/energy on?
3. What are your goals for this next week/month?
4. Whom do you talk to about your ministry?
5. What’s been satisfying/frustrating?
6. What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction and frustration?
7. How can you build on your progress/minimize your roadblocks?
8. What do you think you’ll do?

1. What’s God calling you do to? 
2. What’s your goal?
3. What’s going on?
4. How does God see this?
5. How is God using this in your life?
6. How can you achieve your God-given mission?
7. What will you do?

Three weeks ago, Tim was appointed as field director for his mission. Sitting across the table from you, he says, “Being a mission field director is challenging. I feel good about my new role. I’ve been asking God how He wants me to use the gifts He’s given me, and He answered—I’m now the field director.
 
“I feel like I can do a pretty good job of supporting people in our mission. But being responsible for carrying out our strategic plan feels a little overwhelming.
 
“Last year, we revised our mission statement. Then, we developed 6 strategic goals. These goals tell us what we need to do to carry out our mission statement. We have some pretty aggressive goals, and I’m not sure how we’re going to get them all done.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tim?
 
Answer: What’s already been accomplished?
 
In other words, get Tim to reflect on each of the 6 goals from the strategic plan. Getting Tim to reflect on the current achievement of each goal is vital. Why? Because reflecting on each goal gives Tim the opportunity to:

• Celebrate progress.
• Understand what still needs to be accomplished.
• Recognize what no longer needs to be addressed.

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

You’re coaching Mark, a math teacher at an international Christian school in Korea. He wants to clarify God’s calling. In previous sessions, he identified the problems/opportunities he’s passionate about and blessed by God to address. He also drafted a personal mission statement: Equipping Christians to live for Jesus.
 
Says Mark, “I feel pretty good about my mission statement. It reflects who I am and the problems/opportunities I want to address. It’s already helped my focus. But as a statement, it’s fairly broad. I want to make it more specific, more concrete. That way I’ll be able to take action on my mission."
 
Question: What can you ask Mark?
 
Answer: “What’s it take to carry out your God-given mission?”
 
In other words, “What 5-10 areas do you need to be involved in to carry out your mission and, consequently, to address the problems and opportunities you identified?” (As necessary, give examples of area. *See list below.)
 
Once Mark has identified 5-10 areas, ask “What’s your goal for each area?” Here’s a sample: Coaching—Provide the support, encouragement, and accountability Christian leaders need to pursue God’s calling.
 
As Mark develops a goal for each area, he’ll be answering “What’s it take to carry out your God-given mission?” As Mark develops a goal for each area, he’ll be making his mission more specific, concrete, and actionable.
 
Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.
 
*Sample areas:
Environment
Finances
Health/fitness
Leadership
Life balance
Personal growth
Recreation
Relationships
Spiritual/church
Work

“What I want to do is to develop a personal mission statement,” says Mark, a high school math teacher at an international Christian school in Korea. “I’m fairly clear on the problems/opportunities God is calling me to address. Having a mission statement will help me focus on these problems/opportunities.”
 
Question: What can you ask Mark?
 
Answer: Ask these 5 questions:

1. What 5 or more verbs reflect God’s calling for you? (As necessary, give examples. *See list below.)
2. What will you say when asked, “What’s your mission?”
3. What word best describes your God-given mission?
4. What 2-3 words describe your God-given mission?
5. What 1 sentence do you want said about you at your funeral?

Once Mark has reflected on these 5 questions, ask “What’s your God-given mission?” Give Mark time to think—he may need paper and pen to put down his thoughts. Once Mark has a draft, ask questions to help him refine his mission statement:

• How does this mission statement address the problems and opportunities you identified?
• How does this mission statement help you understand God’s calling?
• What do you mean by ____?
• How easy is this for you to say?
• How does this mission statement help you focus?

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.
 
*Sample verb list:
Advance
Build
Collaborate
Disciple
Educate
Empower
Encourage
Equip
Evangelize
Heal
Improve
Innovate
Lead
Mobilize
Network
Nurture
Organize
Plant
Raise
Serve
Transform
Unite

You’re listening to Carla, a 43-year-old office worker. She’s experiencing significant change, including a new home, a new pastor at church, and her youngest child starting high school. Carla tells you that as a result of the changes she’s experiencing, she’s more sensitive to her own needs and the needs of others.
 
Says Carla, “There are a lot of problems and opportunities around me. I can’t address all of them, but I can address some of them. I want to pursue my calling, so I want to think about which problems and opportunities are part of my calling.”
 
Question: What can you ask Carla?
 
Answer: I believe that God gives us passions for certain problems/opportunities and that He blesses us to address certain problems/opportunities. So ask Carla, “What problems and opportunities are you passionate about?”
 
As necessary, give examples to clarify what you mean by problems and opportunities:

• Sample problems: poverty, discouragement, racism, drugs, poor education, unemployment, underperformance, few Christians, Christians not growing/being discipled, church life not vibrant, lack of leaders, lack of innovation, lack of collaboration, people working without necessary tools and systems, lack of training, dysfunctional relationships
• Sample opportunities: develop leaders, help youth develop a Christian worldview, focus staff energy, support and encourage others, build networks, increase staff effectiveness through consulting and training, model innovation, increase mission achievement through consulting and building systems

Once Carla has brainstormed the problems/opportunities she’s passionate about, ask her, “Which of these has God blessed you to address?” Help Carla focus on identifying 5-15 problems/opportunities she’s passionate about and blessed by God to address.
 
Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Want to empower others? Provoke them to reflect. How? By asking open-ended questions.

You’re coaching Bob. He shares that he’s turning 47, his oldest child is now a freshman in college, his best friend recently moved to the United Kingdom, and he’s thinking about changing careers. As Bob talks about what’s he’s experiencing, it becomes clear that Bob wants to clarify God’s calling in his life. He wants to develop a personal mission statement and to design goals to achieve that mission statement.
 
Question: What can you ask Bob to help him get started?
 
Answer: Start by asking Bob a question that will provoke him to reflect on his current situation. Start by asking Bob, “How has God blessed you to pursue His calling?” To help Bob reflect on this question, ask:

• How’s God working in your life?
• What Relationships has God blessed you with?
• What Abilities has God blessed you with?
• What Character qualities has God blessed you with?
• What Experiences has God blessed you with?

In other words, ask Bob, “What GRACE has God given you to pursue His calling?”
 
Benefit: As Bob reflects on how God has blessed him, he’ll think about how God has been with him each day. And he’ll inventory God’s blessings—and that will prepare him to clarify God’s calling.

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Want to promote reflection in your organization? Design sets of questions and have partners use them as they dialog. Here are 3 sets of questions I designed and then had our mission's EurAsia Team use:
 
Personal life

1. When you were in 4th grade, where did you live? What did you enjoy doing?
2. What’s easy/challenging about living in your country of service?
3. In your recent personal life, what’s been encouraging/discouraging?
4. Overall, how are you feeling?
5. How can I pray for you?

Ministry overview

1. What people/projects are you investing your energy in?
2. Whom do you talk to about your ministry? What do you talk about?
3. In terms of ministry, what’s been satisfying/frustrating?
4. What are the reasons for your feelings of satisfaction/frustration?
5. You talked about ___ today. What do you think you’ll do?

 Ministry goals

1. What are your ministry goals?
2. What progress on your goals have you experienced? What’s been satisfying?
3. What roadblocks have you experienced? What’s been frustrating?
4. How can you leverage your progress and minimize your roadblocks?
5. You talked about ___ today. What do you think you’ll do?

Your client wants clarify God’s calling. Asking questions will help.
 
Here are 10 questions you can ask:

1. How has God blessed you to pursue His calling?”
2. What problems and opportunities are you passionate about & blessed by God to address?
3. What’s your mission?
4. What’s it take to carry out your God-given mission?
5. What’s already been accomplished?
6. What helps/hinders you in achieving your goals?
7. What are your options for achieving your goals?
8. What will you do to achieve your goals?
9. What will you do this week?
10. How can you continue to make progress?

People grow as they take responsibility by defining, committing to, and achieving goals. I know I grow when I take responsibility. I’ll bet you do, too.
 
As a coach, you can empower others to take responsibility. To empower others:

• Listen to them. Listen in order to help them talk through what their goals are. Help them take responsibility by listening, instead of talking.
• Inquire about their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking questions, instead of suggesting goals.
• Focus them on their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking them to define their goals and take SMART action.
• Encourage them to achieve their goals. Help them take responsibility by having them talk about progress on their goals.

Coaching is a conversation, in which the coach provokes the client to reflect by asking questions. But asking questions doesn't always work, as the video demonstrates.

Pursuing my calling is both exciting and frustrating. My calling simultaneously feels like a significant way to help others and a massive, unsolvable problem. How about you? How do you feel about your calling?

I want to pursue my calling, and I find that when someone believes in me, I feel encouraged, energized, and blessed.

People who believe in me do 4 things:

1. They listen, instead of talking.
   
2. They inquire, instead of advising.
   
3. They focus on drawing out, instead of putting in.
   
4. They encourage, instead of critiquing.

Encourage God’s people to pursue their calling. Believe in someone. Today.

Because God is at work in each of His people (Romans 8:28-29), you’re free. Because God is at work, you’re free not to give suggestions or advice to God’s people.

Because God is at work, you’re free:

• To listen for what God wants you to ask His people and to focus them on listening to the Holy Spirit.
  
• To inquire about how God is working in others’ lives and what the Holy Spirit is saying to them.
  
• To focus God’s people on what the Holy Spirit wants them to do.
  
• To encourage others to consider their goals in light of God’s Word and leading.

Remember: As a Christian coach, you’re free!

I like being listened to. When someone really listens to me, I feel heard, understood, and affirmed—and consequently, encouraged and empowered to pursue God’s calling. How about you? How do you feel when someone really listens to you?

I think you’re like me—you like to be listened to. And as missionaries, we both understand that in ministry, listening to others is vital. When we listen to others, they feel understood, encouraged, and empowered. When we listen, relationships deepen. But listening is hard; talking seems easier. So, we sometimes are quick to speak and slow to listen, something James challenges us not to be.

How can you listen more effectively? Read the 3 guidelines for listening given below. For each guideline, ask yourself, “How am I doing?” Then, identify and commit to taking one concrete step to improve your listening.

1. Guideline #1: Be, look, and sound interested. In other words, find the person interesting and use culturally appropriate posture, facial expressions, and tone of voice.
   
2. Guideline #2: Target understanding the person, not judging what’s being said. Listen deeply. Listen to what’s on her heart.
   
3. Guideline #3: Use the 80/20 Rule. Listen 80% of the time; talk 20% of the time. To keep the person talking so you can listen, ask open-ended questions. Ask questions like: What is God calling you to be? If you accomplished your goal, what would it look like? How do you feel? What can you do?

Take action to be a better listener. Use listening to encourage and empower others.

Three weeks ago, Tim was appointed as field director for his mission. Sitting across the table from you, he says, “Being a mission field director is challenging. I feel good about my new role. I’ve been asking God how He wants me to use the gifts He’s given me, and He answered—I’m now the field director.
 
“I feel like I can do a pretty good job of supporting people in our mission. But being responsible for carrying out our strategic plan feels a little overwhelming.
 
“Last year, we revised our mission statement. Then, we developed 6 strategic goals. These goals tell us what we need to do to carry out our mission statement. We have some pretty aggressive goals, and I’m not sure how we’re going to get them all done.”
 
Question: What can you ask Tim?
 
Answer: What’s already been accomplished?
 
In other words, get Tim to reflect on each of the 6 goals from the strategic plan. Getting Tim to reflect on the current achievement of each goal is vital. Why? Because reflecting on each goal gives Tim the opportunity to:

• Celebrate progress.
• Understand what still needs to be accomplished.
• Recognize what no longer needs to be addressed.

Empower your client to pursue God’s calling. Today.

Everyone needs encouragement. You. Me. Everyone.

How can you encourage others? Here’s a starter list:

• Listen. Really listen. When someone really listens to me, I feel heard. Feeling heard is encouraging.
  
• Ask questions. When people ask me questions, they demonstrate respect for what I think. That’s encouraging.
  
• Focus on others. When someone focuses on me, I feel energized and encouraged. It’s as if there is an energy flow from the person to me.
  
• Believe in others. When others think positively about me and help me find my own solutions (instead of suggesting or advising), I feel great.
  
• Celebrate progress. In the press of things, I lose perspective and forget the progress I’ve made. When someone reminds of the progress I’ve made, I feel encouraged.
  
• Affirm character. When someone affirms me in terms of my character, in terms of who I am, I feel good.
  
• Share from your heart. When others share from their heart, for example, by telling their story, I feel freed to tell my story. Telling my story encourages me because I get to share from my heart.
  
• Use “encouragers.” When people say, “Yes…I see...Tell me more…” I feel encouraged to continue sharing.

Encourage someone. Today.

Want to empower others? Provoke them. Provoke them to reflect.

How does reflection empower? Here are responses from members of Connect2Empower, a professional development network for missionaries in Tokyo:

• Reflection gets me thinking.
  
• It’s easy for life to just roll along, for us not to effectively use our energy. Reflection helps us make decisions about how to use our energy effectively.
  
• Reflection reinforces learning. It helps me think at a deeper level.
  
• Reflection helps me see more clearly. It helps me identify the issues I’m facing.
  
• Reflection helps us see an issue from a variety of perspectives.

How can you provoke reflection? Ask open-ended questions, instead of giving suggestions or advice.

Ask open-ended questions like:

1. What’s your goal?
   
2. What’s going on?
   
3. What are your options?
   
4. What will you do?

Ask open-ended questions like:

1. What is God calling you to be?
   
2. What dreams do you want to make real?
   
3. What’s your ideal?
   
4. If you could accomplish 1 thing this year/month/week, what would it be?
   
5. How is God using this in your life?
   
6. How is this problem an opportunity?
   
7. What changes would honor God?
   
8. How can you address this situation?
   
9. What can you do or be in order to close the gap?

Remember:

• Ask open-ended questions to provoke reflection.
  
• Ask, don’t tell.
  
• Ask, don’t suggest.
  
• Ask, don’t advise.
  
• Ask—then listen. (Effective inquiry means the person talks at least 80% of the time.)

Provoke someone to reflect. Today.

You are? Good. Try going for 1 hour without asking or thinking a single question. That’s right, not one question. How do you think you’d do?

I don’t think I’d do very well. Why? Because I love asking questions. If I can’t ask questions (or even think questions), I’d get frustrated. Questions are too big a part of my life and ministry. I like asking, “What’s God calling you to be? What dreams do you want to make real? What can you do to close the gap?”

Well, how about this challenge? Deeply understand every question you hear. This is the challenge I’m working on. It’s hard.

Everywhere I go, people are asking questions. For example, when listening to students I hear, “When’s this due? Do we have to?” When training teachers I hear, “Why are we working on this? I’ve got so much going already—how am I going to add this?” When coaching Christian leaders I hear, “How do I handle email? I just got blasted—now what?”

Listen deeply to a question and you might hear someone’s heart. Listen deeply and you might hear their deeper longings:

• When a student asks, “Do we have to?” he might be saying “I want to serve Jesus—how will learning this help?”
  
• When a teacher asks, “Why are we working on this?” she might be asking “How can this training help me better equip students to impact the world for Christ?”
  
• When a leader says, “I just got blasted—now what?” she might be asking “How can I be humble and promote Christian unity?”

Asking and understanding questions is part of living for Jesus. Asking and understanding questions is a vital part our efforts to equip CAJ students and to empower Christian leaders to close the gap.

Who can you bless by asking a good question? How can you hear someone’s heart today? And remember, God, too, asks questions. What question is God asking you?

You want to empower others. You want to empower others to focus on their goals, work smart, and pursue their callings. And you have decided to use the GROW process, a 4-step process that moves a person from goal to action:

1. Goal: Get the person to state 1 or more attainable goals for the session.
   
2. Reality: Get the person to explore the current reality regarding the goal(s).
   
3. Options: Get the person to brainstorm options for taking action on the goal(s).
   
4. Will do: Get the person to develop 2-3 SMART action steps s/he will do for each goal.

Problem: You don’t know how to get the 4 steps accomplished. You don’t know how to make the GROW process come alive.

Solution: Add LIFE to the GROW process. How? By using LIFE skills at each step of the GROW process. What are the 4 LIFE skills?

1. Listening
   
2. Inquiring
   
3. Focusing
   
4. Encouraging

Here’s how you can add LIFE to the GROW process to get each of the 4 steps done!

(1) Goal: To get the person to state 1 or more attainable session goals, add LIFE.

• Listen. Establish that you want the person to talk about 1 or more goals and that you want to understand the goals (not judge them).
  
• Inquire by asking questions like, “What’s your goal?” and “What would you like to accomplish in our X-minute session?”
  
• Focus the person on developing SMART goals. How? By asking questions: What do you mean by ___? How will you know when you’ve achieved your goal? By when do you want to accomplish your goal?
  
• Encourage the person by restating his goals. This lets him know you are listening and that you are working to understand him and his goals.

(2) Reality: To get the person to explore the current reality regarding the goal(s), add LIFE.

• Listen. Really listen. Use the 80/20 Rule, meaning listen a minimum of 80% of the time and talk a maximum of 20% of the time.
  
• Inquire by asking questions like, “What’s going on?” and by making inviting statements like “Tell me more about…”
  
• Focus the person on the current reality regarding the goal so that later she can develop effective action steps. Ask questions like, “How is God using _______ in your life?”
  
• Encourage the person through clarification. Let her know you are listening and that you want to understand by asking clarifying questions like, “Can you give an example?” and “What do you mean when you say…?”

(3) Options: To get the person to brainstorm options for taking action on the goal(s), add LIFE.

• Listen. Look interested and sound interested. Generating options is hard work, and you can energize the person by listening.
  
• Inquire by asking questions like, “What can you do?” and “What are your options?”
  
• Focus the person on brainstorming action steps s/he would consider doing to achieve the goal(s).
  
• Encourage the person to keep brainstorming by saying “I understand…” and “Tell me more…”

(4) Will do: To get the person to develop 2-3 SMART action steps s/he will do for each goal, add LIFE.

• Listen. Be interested, giving your full attention. The “Will do” section is the culmination of the GROW process. Giving your full attention will empower the person to develop effective action steps.
  
• Inquire by asking questions like, “Is that an action you want to take?” and “On a scale of 1-10, how committed are you to that action step?”
  
• Focus the person on developing SMART action steps s/he will do. How? By asking questions: What do you mean by ___? How will you know when you’ve achieved your action step? How doable is this? How will this action step help you achieve your goal? When will you do this?
  
• Encourage the person by acknowledging when s/he has developed a SMART action plan. Say, “You’ve developed 1 SMART action plan. Good.”

Make the GROW process come alive. How? By adding LIFE. Then use GROWLIFE to empower someone. Today.

Asking questions is an effective way to provoke reflection. Here are 10 questions you can ask:

1. What 3 changes would honor God?
   
2. What 3 things is God calling you to be?
   
3. What 3 dreams do you want to make real?
   
4. What 3 things can you do or be in order to close the gap?
   
5. What 3 indicators best measure your progress?
   
6. What’s your ideal?
   
7. What do you mean by...?
   
8. How do you know...?
   
9. How does the Bible help?
   
10. What are 3 options?

People want to grow. You want to grow. People you know want to grow. And you can empower them to grow by using LIFE.

What’s LIFE? A set of 4 skills:

• Listening
  
• Inquiring
  
• Focusing
  
• Encouraging

God is growing his people. And he uses LIFE:

• God Listens to our prayers.
  
• God Inquires of us through questions that he asks, that others ask, and that are raised in his Word.
  
• God Focuses us on growth areas during trials.
  
• God Encourages us through his Word, his people, and his blessings.

Yes, God uses LIFE, as do people who believe in others, people who empower others to grow:

• People that believe in others Listen instead of talking.
  
• People that believe in others Inquire instead of advising.
  
• People that believe in others Focus others on defining their own goals, instead of suggesting goals.
  
• People that believe in others Encourage instead of criticizing.

LIFE targets motivation. And since growing is more about motivation than information, you can you use LIFE to empower others to grow.

• To target motivation, Listen to others. Really listen. When people feel listened to, they share. And as they share, they clarify their motivations.
  
• To target motivation, Inquire of others. Ask questions: What’s your goal? What’s your motivation? What 3 dreams do you want to make real?
  
• To target motivation, Focus others on their passions and empower them to turn their passions into defined goals.
  
• To target motivation, Encourage others to talk about their interests and dreams. As they talk, say things like, “Tell me more.”

In addition to targeting motivation, LIFE empowers people to take responsibility. Since people grow as they take responsibility by defining, committing to, and achieving their goals, you can use LIFE to help people to grow.

• To empower people, Listen to them. Listen in order to help them talk through what their goals are. Help them take responsibility by listening, instead of talking.
  
• To empower people, Inquire about their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking questions, instead of suggesting goals.
  
• To empower people, Focus them on their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking them to define SMART goals and SMART action steps.
  
• To empower people, Encourage them to achieve their goals. Help them take responsibility by having them talk about progress on their goals.

Use LIFE to demonstrate you believe in others, to target motivation, and to empower others to take responsibility. Use LIFE today. God is.

Ask questions to help your colleagues focus, think through problems, and reach their goals. For example:

• If your colleague wants to increase student understanding and application of a biblical perspective, ask: How can questions help? What questions do you want your students to ask? What questions do you want your students to respond to?
  
• If your curriculum committee is brainstorming ways to improve the curriculum, ask: Where are we? Where do we want to go? How can we get there?
  
• If your administration wants to achieve its mission, ask: What’s our mission? What’s our definition of mission achievement? What’s our current level of mission achievement? How can we close the gap between current and targeted levels of mission achievement?
  
• If your school is reviewing its philosophy of education, ask: What happens at a Christ-centered school? What is the role of biblical perspective in Christian education? How can we help students internalize a biblical perspective?

You want to help a colleague achieve her goal. You need a process and a list of key skills. You need GROW LIFE.

GROW is a time-tested, user-friendly process you can use to help your colleague achieve her goal. Your role in using the process is to ask questions, move your colleague through the process, and get your colleague to commit to taking 1-2 doable action steps.

So, what does GROW stand for and what should you ask?

• Goal: What’s your goal?
  
• Reality: What’s going on?
  
• Options: What can you do?
  
• Will do: What will you do?

Take 2 minutes (yes, a full 120 seconds) and memorize what GROW stands for and 1-4 of the questions you should ask. (Did you take a full 120 seconds?) Now, please recite out loud the GROW process and 1-4 of the questions. Thanks. Please keep reading.

In addition to a process (GROW), you need a list of skills. You need LIFE:

• Listening
  
• Inquiring
  
• Focusing
  
• Encouraging

What’s involved in each of these 4 skills?

• Listen fully to your colleague, not to the thoughts in your head. Listen to really understand. And listen at least 80% of the time. Remember, “listen” respelled is “silent.”
  
• Inquire through questions and inviting statements. If you listen a minimum of 80% of the time, you have a maximum of 20% of the time for asking questions (“What’s your goal?”) and for making inviting statements like, “Please talk more about that.” Don’t use the 20% for telling your story or giving advice.
  
• Focus your colleague on achieving her goal through SMART action steps. Move your colleague through the GROW process so that she ends the conversation with 1-2 action steps that she is committed to taking. Don’t let your colleague wander.
  
• Encourage your colleague. How? By paraphrasing, clarifying, and acknowledging progress.

Take action:

1. Memorize what GROW LIFE stands for. Recite out loud what GROW LIFE stands for.
   
2. Explain GROW LIFE to a colleague. Print out and use this article as necessary.
   
3. Use GROW LIFE to help your colleague achieve her goal.

Be a coach. GROW LIFE. Today.

How? By asking your colleagues good questions. For example, ask:

1. In 1 sentence, what’s your goal?
   
2. If you could accomplish 1 thing this year/month/week, what would it be?
   
3. How is this problem an opportunity?
   
4. How can you address this situation?
   
5. What 3 changes would honor God?
   
6. What 3 things is God calling you to be?
   
7. What 3 dreams do you want to make real?
   
8. What 3 things can you do or be in order to close the gap?
   
9. What 3 indicators best measure your progress?
   
10. What’s your ideal?

Take action:

1. Ask yourself, “How can I use questions to serve others? To lead others?” Write down 5 or more answers.
   
2. Next, ask someone a question. For example, “How can we help students understand and use a biblical perspective?”
   
3. Develop a habit of asking questions. Ask someone a question each day for the next 10 days.

Use questions to serve. Don’t use self-serving questions. Use questions to lead. Don’t use leading questions.