Imagine you’re sitting at a coffee shop. Across the table from you is a Christian leader you want to help grow. As you sip your coffee, you both share about your families and ministries. You notice that he seems a little anxious, so you ask, “How’s it going? Really?” He pauses, looks at you, and says that he’s discouraged and wondering if he should continue his ministry.

And now you start to feel a little anxious. Questions race through your mind: What should I say? How should I say it? What advice should I give? How can I help?

My advice? Remember three things. First, remember that God is growing His people, and the Holy Spirit is at work in each believer. God is already at work in the life of this leader. To help him grow, God saved him, gave him key relationships, blessed him with abilities and character qualities, and provided him with education and useful ministry experiences.

Second, remember that while God may use you to help this leader grow, it’s God who is actually growing this leader. God can do it!

And third, remember that because God is at work in this leader (Romans 8:28-29), you’re free. You’re free not to give suggestions or advice to him. And you’re free to invite him to listen to the Holy Spirit, to inquire about how God is working in his life and what the Holy Spirit is saying to him, to focus him on what the Holy Spirit wants him to do, and to encourage him to consider his goals in light of God’s Word and leading.

So, how should you respond to this leader who is discouraged about his ministry and wondering if he should continue? How about asking questions? You could ask: How’s your relationship with God? What’s the Holy Spirit been saying to you? What might God be teaching you? How might God be using this to help you grow?

Remember, God is growing His people, and the Holy Spirit is at work in each believer.

Reflect on the Holy Spirit’s work:

1. How is God growing you? How is the Holy Spirit working in your heart?
2. How do you feel about the Holy Spirit working in the lives of leaders you work with?
3. What happens when Christian leaders focus on what the Holy Spirit is saying to them?
4. To help Christian leaders focus on what the Holy Spirit is saying to them, what do you need to keep doing? start doing? stop doing?
5. How will you demonstrate that you believe the Holy Spirit is at work in each believer?

I grow when I take responsibility. I grow when I take responsibility to define, commit to, and achieve my goals. Defining my goals helps me understand how I can more effectively pursue God’s calling. Committing to my goals helps me know what to focus on and what not to focus on. And working to achieve my goals results in things like a growing spiritual life and better life balance.

How about you? How does taking responsibility affect your growth? And how does taking responsibility to define, commit to, and achieve goals affect the growth of the leaders you’re developing?

Want to help others grow by empowering them to take responsibility? If so, do these 4 things: (1) To empower others, listen to them. Help them take responsibility by listening to them, instead of talking. Listen a minimum of 80% of the time. Listen in order to help them talk through what their goals are. And when you listen, be sure you look interested and sound interested.

(2) To empower others, inquire about their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking questions, instead of suggesting goals. Ask questions like: What are your goals? How can you pursue God’s calling even more? Where are you and where do you want to go? What can you do to move forward on your goals? What will you do?

(3) To empower others, focus them on their goals. Help them take responsibility by encouraging them to identify their goals. You can do this by inviting them to take 5-10 minutes to list their goals for areas like spiritual life, relationships, leadership, work, and life balance. After they have identified their goals, invite them to select a goal and identify the action steps they can take to achieve that goal. Encourage them to make their action steps SMART—specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timebound.

(4) To empower others, encourage them to achieve their goals. Help them take responsibility by encouraging them to talk about progress on their goals. It’s easy to do—when you see a leader, say, “Tell me about the progress you’ve made on your goals.” And when they achieve their goals, encourage them to celebrate!

Remember, people grow as they take responsibility.

Reflect on responsibility:

1. What is one way you encourage leaders to take responsibility?
2. What is satisfying/unsatisfying about getting leaders to take responsibility?
3. How does taking responsibility affect the growth of leaders?
4. What can you do to help leaders increasingly take responsibility?
5. What will you do to help leaders increasingly take responsibility?

You and I both want to grow. We want to grow so we can pursue God’s calling even more. So, we target growth areas like leadership, spiritual disciplines, conflict management, life balance, and Japanese language proficiency.

You and I both know that people who believe in us empower us to grow. I’ve experienced it in my own life. You have, too. When people believe in me, I can do more. I remember talking with my regional director about a workshop. He invited me to lead workshop sessions about focusing on the mission’s purpose and on asking open-ended questions. I felt hesitant. So, I asked some questions. He responded, “Do what you want. I trust you. You’ll know what to do.” I was energized to develop and deliver quality workshops.

I’ve also experienced that believing in others empowers them to grow. For example, I was working with a missionary who was serving in a new ministry, one that really stretched him. I was listening as he reflected on the past 9 months. And then he said, “One of the biggest things you did for me was believe in me. You thought I could do it. That gave me confidence to accomplish new things.”

As a result of these and other experiences, I’ve become increasingly convinced that believing in others helps them grow. I now work to interact with others in ways that show I believe in them. For example, I target helping others become better problem solvers (instead of targeting solving their problems). I also strive to listen (instead of talking), ask questions (instead of advising), focus on drawing out (instead of on putting in), and encourage (instead of critiquing)—remember, Barnabas encouraged Paul.

Empower God’s people to pursue their calling. Believe in someone. Today.
 
Reflect on believing in others:

1. Who is someone who believed in you? What was the impact of being believed in?
2. Who is someone who didn’t believe in you? How did he/she communicate this?
3. What excites/concerns you about believing in others?
4. How does believing in others empower them to pursue God’s calling?
5. How could you show that you believe in others?
6. How will you show that you believe in others?

Christian coaching flows from the heart, from beliefs about empowering others. 

If you want to empower others, use a coaching approach.

When I think of improving my coaching, 3 areas come to mind. Those 3 areas are beliefs, skills, and process. 

Through Christian coaching, you can empower others to pursue God’s call. To get an idea of how you can empower others even more effectively, complete the following self-assessment that addresses coaching beliefs, skills, and process (download). Write the number in the blank that comes closest to representing how true a given statement is for you right now. Use the following scale:

4: Consistently • 3: Usually • 2: Sometimes • 1: Rarely

The coach’s heart
___  I trust that the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of every believer.
___  I believe others can define and achieve their goals.
___  I target motivation, not information.
___  I empower others to take responsibility.
 
LIFE skills: Listen • Inquire • Focus • Encourage
___  I’m interested in what others say.
___  When listening, I look interested.
___  When listening, I sound interested.
___  I target understanding, not judging.
___  I don’t talk more than 20% of the time.

___  I ask open-ended questions.
___  I make inviting statements.
___  I don’t ask “why” questions.
___  I don’t give advice.

___  I focus others on developing their own SMART action steps.
___  I don’t suggest action steps.

___  I encourage others through clarification.
___  I encourage others through affirmation.
___  I encourage others through restatement.
___  I encourage others through “encouragers.”
___  I don’t criticize.
 
GROW process: Goal • Reality • Options • Will do
___  I’m clear on what the other person wants to accomplish for the session.
___  I don’t suggest goals for the session.

___  I empower others to explore the current reality regarding their goals.
___  I don’t describe others’ reality.

___  I empower others to brainstorm options for taking action on their goals.
___  I don’t suggest options.

___  I empower others to develop 2-3 SMART action steps per goal.
___  I don’t advise others on what actions to take.

To get an idea of how you can more effectively lead by asking questions, complete the following self-assessment (or download it here). Rate each item, using the following scale:

4: Consistently • 3: Usually • 2: Sort of • 1: Rarely


Lead from your heart
___ I trust that the Holy Spirit is working in the heart of every believer.
___ I believe others can define and achieve their goals.
___ I target motivation, not information.
___ I empower others to take responsibility.
___ I believe that reflection is powerful.
___ I want to help staff be better problem solvers (not to solve their problems).
 
Inquiry skills
___ I ask open-ended questions.
___ I don’t ask “why” questions.
___ I don’t give advice.
___ I easily think of good questions to ask.

Lead by asking questions
___ I ask questions to help others.
 
___ I ask questions to help others reflect.
___ I ask questions to help others get clear.
___ I ask questions to help others prioritize.
___ I ask questions to help others get organized.
 
___ I ask questions to help others focus.
___ I ask questions to help others target their strengths.
___ I ask questions to help others pay attention to their goals.
___ I ask questions to help others reduce their frustrations.
 
___ I lead by asking questions.


Now, ask yourself 5 questions about the data:

1. How many 4s, 3s, 2s, and 1s do I have?
2. What’s encouraging/discouraging about the data?
3. What helps me lead by asking questions?
4. What hinders me from leading by asking questions?
5. What will I do?

Empower others. Lead by asking questions. Today.

Through coaching, you can empower others to grow. While effective coaching does involve technique, at a deeper level effective coaching is about your heart, about your beliefs, about who you are. Coach from your heart.

People grow as they take responsibility by defining, committing to, and achieving goals. I know I grow when I take responsibility. I’ll bet you do, too.
 
As a coach, you can empower others to take responsibility. To empower others:

• Listen to them. Listen in order to help them talk through what their goals are. Help them take responsibility by listening, instead of talking.
• Inquire about their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking questions, instead of suggesting goals.
• Focus them on their goals. Help them take responsibility by asking them to define their goals and take SMART action.
• Encourage them to achieve their goals. Help them take responsibility by having them talk about progress on their goals.

Leaders grow as they take action to achieve their goals. Taking action is more about being motivated than about having information. If I’m not motivated, I won’t take action—even if I have good information.
 
Here’s how this plays out in my life: To achieve my goal of getting regular exercise, I do something I’m motivated to do—walk for 15-30 minutes several times a week. I have information about other exercise plans—lifting weights and jogging on a treadmill. But having this information doesn’t result in me getting exercise because I not motivated to lift weights or jog on a treadmill.
 
The point: Since leaders grow as they take action, growing is more about motivation than information.
 
Application? When coaching, target motivation by:

1. Listening to others. Really listen. When people feel listened to, they share. And as they share, they clarify their motivations.
2. Inquiring: What’s your goal? What’s your motivation? What 3 dreams do you want to make real?
3. Focusing others on their passions and empower them to turn their passions into defined goals.
4. Encouraging others to talk about their interests and dreams. As they talk, say things like, “Tell me more.”

 
Remember: It’s motivation, not information.

Pursuing my calling is both exciting and frustrating. My calling simultaneously feels like a significant way to help others and a massive, unsolvable problem. How about you? How do you feel about your calling?

I want to pursue my calling, and I find that when someone believes in me, I feel encouraged, energized, and blessed.

People who believe in me do 4 things:

1. They listen, instead of talking.
   
2. They inquire, instead of advising.
   
3. They focus on drawing out, instead of putting in.
   
4. They encourage, instead of critiquing.

Encourage God’s people to pursue their calling. Believe in someone. Today.

Because God is at work in each of His people (Romans 8:28-29), you’re free. Because God is at work, you’re free not to give suggestions or advice to God’s people.

Because God is at work, you’re free:

• To listen for what God wants you to ask His people and to focus them on listening to the Holy Spirit.
  
• To inquire about how God is working in others’ lives and what the Holy Spirit is saying to them.
  
• To focus God’s people on what the Holy Spirit wants them to do.
  
• To encourage others to consider their goals in light of God’s Word and leading.

Remember: As a Christian coach, you’re free!

Coaches are not counselors or mentors. Consequently, coaches operate on different beliefs than counselors and mentors.

What are my coaching beliefs? I have 4:

1. God is growing his people, and the Holy Spirit is at work in each believer. God is already at work in the lives of each of his people. While God may use me to help a person grow, it’s God who is actually growing each of his people. So as a coach, I encourage each person to listen to God.
   
2. People want to grow and are empowered to grow by those who believe in them. You and I both want to grow. And people who believe in us empower us to grow—I know this. I’ve experienced it my own life. You have, too. When people believe in me, I can do more. As a coach, I believe in people. So, I listen (instead of talking), ask questions (instead of advising), encourage (instead of criticizing), and empower people to define their goals (instead of giving them goals).
   
3. Growing is more about motivation than information. We all know good things that would help us grow. We know we should do these good things—but we don’t. Simply put, knowing doesn’t equal doing. As a coach, I empower people to focus on good things they want to work on.
   
4. People grow as they take responsibility by defining, committing to, and achieving goals. So as a coach, I don’t take the responsibility for defining goals; instead, I empower people to define their goals. I don’t take the responsibility for committing to goals; instead, I empower people to commit to their goals. I don’t take the responsibility for achieving the goals; instead, I empower people to achieve their goals. Make sense?

Now that you know what I believe about coaching, what are you going to do? Here are 2 suggestions:

1. If you are interested in getting a coach, ask your potential coach what s/he believes about coaching.
   
2. If you are interested in coaching someone, define 4-6 coaching beliefs and be prepared to share them.

Get a coach, be a coach, or both. Today.